FF7 meets FF8
by Charlotte Nash
Summary: It's totally and utterly stupid. Really. Just try not to read it, IMAGINE it. then its way funnier. Ok ok, I admit, my story SUCKS!!! :)


FF8 meets FF7 

WHOOSH! A big flash of light leads both sets of heroes into a large barren wasteland, facing each other. 

Squall: ... 

Barret: What the hell happened? Where are we? 

Cid: Dunno. 

Yuffie: Is there any materia? 

Zell: Who the hell are you guys? You from SeeD? 

Tifa: Huh? 

Selphie: SeeD! Hello? Everyone knows what SeeD is! 

Cloud: We don't. we haven't been flung into an alternate dimension, have we? 

Selphie: Alternate dimension?! Cool! Do they have any magic? 

(Selphie casts draw on Yuffie) 

Yuffie: Ow! What the hell did you do? 

Selphie: Use magic. 

Yuffie: That's not how we do it! 

Selphie: there isn't any other way! 

Yuffie: watch this! 

(Uses materia orb. All FF8 characters stare in interest.) 

Rinoa: must be heavy to carry that stuff around. 

Tifa: you bet! 

(they walk off and engage in gossip.) 

Cloud: Who are you guys? What's SeeD? 

Squall: we're a mercenary force trained to destroy sorceresses. 

Cloud: Oh, we're a mercenary force too! We're AVALANCHE. 

Selphie: Cool name! We sound like some poncy flowers. 

Irvine: Selphie! 

Selphie: Well, it's true. 

Cid: Hang on, hang on, damn you people! what's your names? 

Selphie: I'm Selphie, this is Irvine, Squall, Zell, Quistis and Rinoa went off with your friend there. 

Cloud: she's called Tifa. This is Cid, Barret, Yuffie, Vincent, Cait Sith... 

Barret: Shut up! All I wanna know is if you oppose us or not cos if ya do, I'll kick your ass! 

Zell: Says who?! 

Barret: Jackass! 

Zell: Ooh, I'm scared! Whatcha gonna do with that lump of plastic on your arm? 

Barret: PLASTIC?! (sprays bullets) 

Zell: Oh. Okay, guess not. Thats really neat! 

Barret: Ya think so? 

Cloud: (to Squall) who are you? 

Squall: ... 

Cloud: ? 

Squall: ... 

Cloud: What? 

Squall: ...Squall. 

Cloud: I'm Cloud. Nice to meet you. 

Squall: I guess. 

Cloud: Geez, moody... 

Tifa: I see a definite resemblance! 

Cloud: Be quiet!!! 

Meanwhile... 

Selphie: Wow! That's so great! Even the guardian force can't compare to that power! 

Yuffie: Thanks, but at least you have an easier method of gaining magic - this stuff is sooo hard to get hold of! 

Selphie: Do you have summon forces? 

Yuffie: Huh? Oh, yeah, we have summon monsters. Allow me... 

(Yuffie casts Leviathan.) 

Selphie: WOW! AWESOME! 

Yuffie: How bout you? 

(Selphie casts Shiva) 

Yuffie: that's impossible! WE have Shiva!!! 

Selphie: Huh?? Lets try summoning them at the same time, then! 

(Both summon Shiva) 

Shiva from FF7: It can't be...! 

Shiva from FF8: It is!!! How ya doing, sis? 

Shiva from FF7: So how's your brother? Is he here too?! Ifrit would be so pleased! 

(Yuffie and Selphie rematerialise) 

Yuffie: This is weird. 

And still meanwhile... 

Irvine: Damn, man! You going to say something or what? Your gun is so cool! 

Vincent: Leave me be. 

Irvine: Whats up? C'mon, I wanna see! Is that a Death Penalty I see? I used walk by this shop that had them when I 

was small... expensive, they were. 

Vincent: I see. 

Irvine: Aw, man! Let me have a look! 

Vincent: ... 

Irvine: hmph! And whats up with the red eyes, anyway? 

Cloud: ... Oh well, suppose we'd better get back home. 

Squall: We can't stay here forever. 

Tifa: What??? Me and Rinoa were just talking about... Um... talking in general! 

Rinoa: 100 gil if you say it! 

Tifa: Uh-uh! 

Cloud: Say what? 

Rinoa: She lov- 

(Tifa clamps hand over Rinoa's mouth) 

Tifa: Shh! Or I'll tell Squall over there EXACTLY why his boxers went missing from the laundry basket! 

Rinoa: (gulp) okay! 

(A yell from Irvine grasps everyone's attention.) 

Irvine: HELPHELPHELP HE'S A MONSTER!!! 

Squall: What the hell? 

Cloud: Amazing! He can talk! 

Rinoa: Omigod! What's chasing Irvine! Quick, stop it! 

Tifa: Nah, don't worry, guess your friend really pissed Vincent off. 

Irvine: AGHHHHHHHHHHHHH! 

Cloud: Vincent must be very pissed off. 

(Selphie and Yuffie run up.) 

Selphie: I wonder how we all got here? 

(everyone looks around, wondering) 

Zell: I want a hotdog. I can just picture one now, bubbling... 

Cid: You seem to think on your stomach. 

Quistis: Yeah, he's always one for a hotdog. 

(A blinding flash happens. A hotdog appears in Zell's hand.) 

Zell: WHOA!!! (eats) 

Barret: how'd the hell he do that? 

Cloud: He imagined it. Hey, maybe that's it! 

Cait Sith: What? 

Quistis: Hmmm, I suppose. 

Cait Sith: What? 

Barret: Sooo, that means if we imagine something, it happens? 

Cid: Mmmmm, I could enjoy this. 

Cloud: NO! 

(its too late. Several bikini clad women appear.) 

Cid: Awesome! 

Shera: Come get it, big boy! 

Cid: AHHHHH!!! I DIDN'T ASK FOR THIS!!!! 

Cloud: Hey, you imagined it for it to appear! 

Cid: NO I DIDN'T..... did I? 

Shera: Ooh, c'mon lets go! 

Cid: AHHHHHHH!!!! 

(runs away chased by crazed Shera, and bikini women) 

Barret: I have a feeling this is gonna go downhill now. 

Cloud: Yeah. Supposing somebody imagined.... never mind. 

Tifa: What? 

Cloud: I was gonna say that if someone imagined Sephiroth..... 

(a flash.) 

Sephiroth: HAHAHA!!!! 

Cloud: not good. 

Selphie: Whoa! Hey, who's hot stuff? 

Sephiroth: Huh? HAHAHA!!! 

Quistis: He's obviously your enemy...? 

Cloud: He tried to destroy our planet. 

(Irvine and Vincent run up. Irvine looks slightly mangled, Vincent a little sheepish) 

Vincent: Sorry! I didn't mean it! 

Irvine: Grrrr. Okay. What's going on? 

Selphie: some hot bad dude's appeared. At least we're not facing..... 

All: NO!!!!!!!!! 

Selphie: ...Ultemecia. 

(another flash) 

ultemecia: HAHA!! I shall destroy....! 

Sephiroth: Who are you? You sound like me! 

Ultemecia: You seem very powerful. (swoons) 

Sephiroth: your button's undone. Did you know that? 

Ultemecia: Mmmm, come with me, you sexy thang 

Sephiroth: Okay! HAHAHA!! 

Ultemecia: Nice hair. HAHAHA!! 

(go off hugging) 

Cid: Weird! 

Shera: Come back!!! 

Cid: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! 

Cloud: Okay, enough fun for today. Let's go home! 

Tifa & Rinoa: Awwww! 

Squall: He's got a point. We can't stay here forever. 

Barret: What the hell. Lets go! 

Cait Sith: How? What? Who? 

Cloud: Let's try imagining we're home. 

Selphie: YEAH! Just like Sir Laguna said - imagine somewhere you wanna be, with the people you know and love, 

etc etc. 

Squall: Let's try. 

(another big flash) 

Cloud: Where am I? 

Tifa: where am I? 

(they notice they are in a flower field wearing nothing.) 

Both: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! 

Squall: where am I? 

Rinoa: where am I? 

(they are in the CORRECT flower field....Rinoa holding the missing boxers.) 

Squall: ? 

Rinoa: Uh-oh. 

Cid: My head? Where the *&%£ am I? 

Shera: CID!!! GET OUT OF MY ROOM!!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?! 

Cid: At least she's normal!!! 

Selphie: URGH! My head hurts! 

Irvine: so does mine! 

(they look around the room. I wont even describe what Irvine imagined.) 

Selphie: IRRRRRRRRRRRRVINE!!!!! 

Irvine: Uh-oh. 

The End 


End file.
